Most couples can remember in detail where and when one of them popped the question, to the point where, if you don’t have a cute proposal story, you might feel like you’ve missed out on some vital part of the process. Which leads me to wonder, why don’t we make a bigger deal out of asking people to be involved in our wedding? Why don’t we create elevate the roles our friends and family will play to a higher status than the off-hand “If you’ve got nothing better to do, wanna be in my bridal party?” tone us Kiwis so often adopt?
I wonder whether, sometimes, by not making too much of a fuss, we miss out on an opportunity to honour our close friends and family. By being so casual about our request for them to be part of the wedding, we relegate their role to merely a task they’ll perform, when we could [and I think, should] pitch it as an honor and a blessing, for the participant AND the couple, both.
I found this blog post, detailing a bride’s [tres cute] handmade invitations to her bridesmaids, and while I’m not convinced we need to go to QUITE that much effort, it’s certainly worth making a small production about. It may be as simple as, rather than verbally asking, or even emailing, just taking a few minutes to handwrite and snail mail out your request to the person, detailing the role you have in mind for them, and any requirements that might be attached.
I’ve lost count of the number of times someone has confided in me that they’re not sure the reading they’ve chosen is what the couple are wanting, because they had usually been asked verbally, often as casually as, “Hey, can you do a reading at my wedding?” If you’re wanting them to choose the reading, you should still include a couple of examples of options that are suitable – which will give them an idea of the style of reading you’re wanting, and something to fall back on if their inspiration runs dry.
It’s a nice idea to let the participants know if you have a specific theme or colour scheme, in case they wish to [or you wish them to] co-ordinate with it.
When inviting family and friends to be part of the bridal party, make it clear whether you’re expecting them to pay for any [or all] of their wedding attire, what they need to bring, and what you’ll be providing. If you’re planning a get-together before the wedding, make sure they know about that, too, so that they can allow for that, whether they’re travelling in or living locally.
Mostly, it’s about courtesy and communication. It’s possible to be clear and direct, without becoming a control freak or bridezilla. Clear direction means that everyone is confident in their role, which means that you, and they, can relax and enjoy the day [and the weeks leading up to it!]