Whispers

Sometimes, STUFF just HAPPENS

weddingwhisperer — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:29:03 +0000

Bleargh. The weather has been a fiend lately!
Plan A and Plan B have rain and sun covered, but there’s only going to be discontent when you’re facing gale force winds on an otherwise sunny blue day.

I want to give full credit to all the couples I’ve worked with this past weekend. The weather was beautiful but lousy, and they rolled with it, incredibly well. In particular, one bride who solved her own problem, instead of battling the wind and her [stunningly beautiful, fine lace] extremely long veil, she just pulled the comb out, and tucked the rolled up veil under the edge of her train, mid-ceremony. In that one action, she removed a distraction, not only for her guests, who were watching and wincing as it wound and flicked itself about, but also for herself and her groom. By removing the distraction, she brought the focus back to where it belonged, quickly, calmly, and without any fuss.

Stuff happens. The groom ends up with his Mother-in-Law’s lipstick on his collar before the formal photos. The dog runs off with the rings tied to his collar. The flower-girl shows off her Dora The Explorer knickers mid ceremony.
It rains. It blows a gale. It rains AND blows a gale.
Babies cry, candles refuse to light, pens don’t write… Stuff. It happens.

If you plan carefully, and you’re lucky, stuff happens to other people. But occasionally, all the stars align, and it happens to you, at your ceremony. Here’s the one thing you can do to control that random stuff that happens:

Stay focused. Keep your eyes on your bride or groom, smile, laugh if you can, and carry on as if you’d planned for things to go that way. Your family, and your guests will take their cue from you. How you react will give them a script for their own reaction. And, more importantly, how you react will determine whether that random stuff that just happened becomes the defining moment in your guests’ memories, or just another cute anecdote among many warm memories of a beautiful day.

I’m a great fan of the idea that you should ‘solve your own problem’. So if there’s a simple solution, like taking off your wind-whipped veil, do that. But if it’s not actually YOUR problem, or not one you can solve for yourselves, have faith in your Celebrant and ushers, or during your reception, your Emcee and parents, to take care of the problem for you.

A good Celebrant or Emcee will guide you safely through a potential disaster during the ceremony or speeches, your ushers will help with your guests. Everyone there is on your side, wanting the best possible outcome.Stay calm, and let them help. Don’t waste time or energy on getting cross, pulling faces, or doing the angry stabby gestures dance – all that does is keep everyone’s attention on the other stuff, and you will keep the focus where it should be -on the committment you and your partner are celebrating.

Stuff happens? Ah, let it. It’s not even important. Unless you allow it to be.
So, yeah, don’t do that!

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, The Wedding Whisperer's "How To..." File Tagged: bridestuff, children, damage control, groomstuff, how to's, planning, Quiet Hour, real weddings, tech-details

Happily Ever After: can I ask you something?

weddingwhisperer — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:28:39 +0000

Even when you’ve been together for what feels like forever, there’s always more to learn and know about each other.

Here’s a list of random ‘have you ever…?’ questions you can use as conversation starters, with your partner, friends, kids, neighbours – anyone you’re interested in learning more about.

Don’t use them all at once, but DO use them!

have you ever got your tongue stuck to something like a frozen flag pole? * have you ever been on a blind date? * have you ever sat on a roof top? * was there a time when didn’t take a shower for over a week? * have you ever played chicken? * have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? * have you ever broken a bone? * have you ever been in trouble for giggling too much? * have you ever laughed so hard you cried? * have you ever cheated on a test? * did you ever call your teacher “Mum” by mistake? * have you ever passed out from drinking too much? * have you ever played an april’s fool joke on someone? * have you ever kissed anything not human? * have you ever choked on something that was not even food? * have you ever played an instrument do you ever drive over the speed limit? * have you ever cried over a haircut? * have you ever crashed a car? * do you ever dance in front of your mirror? * have you ever stolen anything? * have you ever been in a fist fight? * did you ever sneak out of your house? * have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? * have you ever been arrested? * did you ever run away from home? * have you ever skipped work to do something more fun? * have you ever slept in a bed with someone not related to you by blood or marriage? * have you ever been on a train? * have you ever kissed the mirror? * have you ever made a snow angel? * do you sometimes cheat while playing a game? * have you ever been lonely? * have you ever fallen asleep at church? * have you ever felt an earthquake? * have you ever touched a snake? * did you ever drive through a red light? * were you ever suspended from school? * do you sometimes love the way you look? * have you ever been to court? * have you ever been really, truly lost? * have you ever been out of the country? * have you ever felt like dying from embarrassment? * have you ever cried yourself to sleep? * have you ever sang karaoke? * have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? * did you ever get a toy or a lolly stuck up your nose? * have you ever caught a raindrop on your tongue? * do you ever sing in the shower? * have you ever talked on the phone for more than 2 hours? * have you ever thrown a plate or glass in anger? * have you ever wished you were someone else? * have you ever made your parents cry? * have you ever had a pet dog? * have you ever been in a band? * have you ever shot a gun? * have you ever fallen asleep at the computer? * have you ever wondered what people would say at your funeral? *

Have fun!

Filed under: Happily Ever After? Tagged: Quiet Hour, relationships

Happily Ever After: Ask me about my partner

weddingwhisperer — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 22:06:09 +0000

So you think you know each other pretty well, huh? You reckon?

Here’s a quick, fun quiz, to see just how much you really do know. You should each answer the questions separately, and then compare answers. Don’t be too focused on the ones you get wrong, except to use them as a prompt for conversation about what you each like and dislike. After all, knowledge of cold facts isn’t enough to measure success in a relationship. [A stalker could know everything about you, but never touch your heart] Don’t get distracted by making a shopping list of preferences, likes and dislikes, but instead, make sure you are paying attention to your partner and keeping current with what drives them forward, or drives them crazy.

pencils ready?

1. If your partner is sitting in front of the TV, what’s most likely on the screen?
2. You’re out to eat; what kind of veg or salad do they order on the side?
3. What’s one food they don’t like?
4. You go out to have a drink. What do they order?
5. Where did your partner go to high school?
6. What size shoe do they wear?
7. If your partner were to collect anything, what would it be?
8. What is their favourite perfume/cologne?
9. What would your partner happily eat every day if they could?
10. What is their favourite cereal?
11. What would your partner never wear?
12. What is their favourite sports team(s)?
13. Which political party did they vote for?
14. Who is your partner’s best friend [not counting you]?
15. What is your partner’s favourite type of burger?
16. What is something you do that your partner wishes you wouldn’t do?
17. What is their favourite brand of cosmetics/skin care?
18. You bake your partner’s favourite cake for their birthday; what kind is it?
19. Did they play sports in high school?
20. What could your partner happily spend hours doing?
21. What is one unique talent they have?
22. What is one thing you love about your partner?
23. What is their greatest strength?
24. What is the biggest challenge your partner is facing right now?
25. Write one word to describe your partner.

All the best for many years of ‘happily ever after’

Filed under: Happily Ever After? Tagged: Quiet Hour, relationships

Guest Book Alternatives

weddingwhisperer — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:47:00 +0000

This month’s ‘rush item’ has been guest books. We stock a lovely variety of styles at The Corner Store, but even so, I’m not really surprised to hear that couples struggle to find the right one for their wedding.

I suspect the issue is less about the range of guest books available, [does a quick count - we have more than 20 different styles in store!] and more about the limitations of the traditional guest book – when it comes to creating a wedding keepsake, you’re hoping for so much more than just a list of names. So, here’s a few alternatives I’ve seen recently, and fallen in deep love with:

DOODLE JOURNAL:

One of the simplest, yet most effective guest-book ideas ever. Rather than a formal guest book with measured spaces, use a blank page notebook, and encourage your guests to share their favourite quotes or advice for the newlyweds.

SIGNING PLATTER:
[inspired by Nelson based pottery artisans Pottering About]
Personalise the centre of a blank bisque platter with your names, date, colours or theme, and set it on a table for your guests to decorate with comments, pictures, etc, using a simple ink pen or pencil. After the wedding, the writing is permanently inked, and the platter is then fired and sealed, creating a permanent, washable, celebration plate for use in years to come.
One of the things I love about this idea is that if anyone writes something stupid or mean [because sometimes people just don't think], you can choose not to make it permanent. You can also select your favourite comments [or specific people's comments, eg your parents] to be inked in another colour to highlight them – lots of ways to make it a really special memento.

PHOTO ALBUM GUEST BOOK:
[inspired by Sandra Johnson Boutique Photography] You’ve probably picked up, by now, that I’m a huge fan of the ‘engagement photo shoot’, as the perfect opportunity to test drive your photographer, and get the best value out of your practice hair and makeup. And now, there’s even more reason to make the time to get those photos: Using the photos from your engagement photo shoot, plus an assortment of your own photos [from your childhoods, when you first met, hen/stag nights etc] you can create a beautiful, conversation-inspiring photo-journal to use as a guest book.

DIRECTED JOURNAL:
DIY or order through The Wedding Whisperer’s Corner Store]

For the greatest ‘anti-guestbook’ – a directed journal to inspire your guests to write more than just ‘good luck’ or ‘congratulations’. Each journal is hand written with questions and comment prompts to inspire your guests to share from their wit and wisdom. Books can be customised on request, with a photo and page for each guest or couple, or with specific prompts relating to the couple’s specific situation.

SIGNATURE FRAME:
[order through The Wedding Whisperer's Corner Store]

A signature frame is ideal if you’re looking for something more than your standard guest book list of names, but don’t want the guest book to be a significant focus of the reception – guests can quickly and easily add their names, and a comment if they wish. After the wedding, you pop in your favourite photo/s, creating a visual reminder of your celebrations. Made in NZ, there are lots of options for framing, mattboard style, etc.

CHRISTMAS TREE SKIRT:

In New Zealand, we tend to let our Christmas trees go bare-legged, but I’m told that Christmas tree ‘skirts’ are a stylish way to catch dropped tinsel/pine needles and disguise the plastic bucket or three prong spike the tree stands in. If you’re planning a summer wedding, using a Christmas tree skirt as your guest book will create an heirloom which will bring fresh memories each year as you pull out the box of Christmas decorations and re-discover the signed skirt, just in time for your wedding anniversary. I’ve seen some simple white and red tree skirts with words such as ‘peace, hope, believe, joy’ etc., which are Christmas themed, but can still fit with a wedding theme!

TIP JAR:

Put your table name cards to double use by encouraging guests to write their comments [tips?] on the back, and drop them into a jar. Of course, any cute cards will do. I like re-using the name cards because it’s elegant but un-fussy, encourages every guest to contribute, and their small size gives guests just enough room to write something meaningful without pressuring those less eloquent guests.

The Corner Store has lots of new [and very cute] designs of woodcut name cards in all kinds of shapes, which are perfect for doubling as guest book inserts:

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, Gossip from the Corner Store, The Wedding Whisperer's "How To..." File Tagged: Christmas, corner store, guestbook, how to's, planning, real weddings, tech-details, traditions

No-one EVER Lets Me Name Their Baby ‘Murgatroyd’. [I don't know why]

weddingwhisperer — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:47:40 +0000

Parents often ask me if I’ll ‘name their baby’. But they never really mean it. Not even once have they let me pick the name. [I'm kidding, of course].

I’m in two minds about whether I could better the example of Frank Zappa, who named his children Dweezil, Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin!

A naming ceremony falls pretty much under the umbrella of ‘a non-religious christening’ – which leaves a huge scope for innovation and creating new traditions to fit modern families. I’ve been researching baby naming traditions for a cross-cultural ceremony I have coming up, and discovered some beautiful traditions associated with the welcoming of a child into a family, and into that family’s wider community. I don’t think there is a culture in the whole round world in which the arrival of a new child is not celebrated in some form, and in particular, the choosing and formal giving of the child’s name is taken extremely seriously.

Timing is often important, from cultures where the first sound a new-born baby hears is their father whispering the name of their god, to traditions in which a baby doesn’t get a ‘real’ name until they have survived those precarious early weeks and months of life. Or, in the case of the Kayapo of Brazil, until the parents figure out which name is the right one. Apparently, if the child is otherwise fed and warm but still crying, the baby is understood to be telling the parents that the name is not right. Another name will be tried, until they find one that meets with the child’s approval. This can take up to five months [or, as my cynical self suggests, until the colic stage passes] at which point, the baby becomes more contented, and the name becomes permanent.

In southern Nigeria, a child will be given three names – one from the mother, the father and another relative. These names are: one name, by which they are known, another name that reflects a hope for who the child will become , or a character quality they are hoped to have. The third name will be a family name, an ancestor or perhaps the name of a hero or god.

The traditions which include the wider family are very special, from having a grandparent be the first to address the child by name, usually directly into the child’s ear, to having all the women grasp the edges of the baby’s blanket like a hammock, to rock and sing songs of blessing and hope, or songs that rhyme with the baby’s new name. [Probably NOT: Hannah, Hanna, Bo, Banna, Banana, Fanna, Foe, Fannah, Mee, Mie, Moe, Manna, Hannah!]

Sometimes the naming is also the time of the child’s first taste of food, especially a sweet taste, like honey or sugar, or ‘good luck’ herbs and spices, with maybe a little gold mixed in. It may be the first time a child sets foot on the ground, having been carried everywhere until that moment, or the occasion of their first hair cut, or piercing.

With such a vast pool of tradition to draw from, I’m always delighted to be asked to name a couple’s child, even if they don’t let me PICK the name, I love teasing out the details for each particular family, creating new traditions on the foundations of historical ceremonies, and best of all, celebrating that a child is loved, cherished, welcome, and has great hope for the future. Even if they must have a name that’s not Murgatroyd…

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101

You Learn Something New, Every Day

weddingwhisperer — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 03:25:16 +0000

After a dozen years, averaging 30 ceremonies a year, what’s that, then? 350 or more weddings? You’d think by now I’d have been there, done that, worn out the T-shirt.

But already this season, I’ve had some totally new wedding-related experiences: F’rinstance, I got a groom’s name wrong, for the first time, ever. [Only for a second, and not in any of the legally binding bits!] And, I officiated over a double wedding ceremony [that's where I got a one of the groom's names mixed up with the other. Blush]. I saw a bride and her father drive their car, right up the aisle to the altar [and used the bonnet of the car as our signing table]. Let’s see, what else? Oh, I was unforgivably late to a rehearsal, the latest I’ve ever been, [there's an interesting, though not very believable excuse filled with ninjas and fire-breathing dragons, but no better reason than that I failed to allow enough time to get there]. And I was embarrassingly early to the ceremony, the next day!

And, the thing that I totally wasn’t expecting: even after all those hundreds of beautifully crafted, carefully honed vows and I do’s and promises, just the other day, I was blindsided by a couple’s [secret squirrel surprise] vows totally taking my breath away.

I asked politely after the ceremony, and they said I could share them here.

So, here are the wedding vows I wish I had written:

The groom said:
You are my best beloved, and my best friend.
Somehow, in spite of some spectacular lapses in judgment,
and thanks to some astonishingly good luck,
I find myself standing here, beside you, on our wedding day.
Pinch me, I can’t believe it’s real.

I promise to care for you, to celebrate with you,
and to work beside you to build a life together
better than we could have imagined having by ourselves.
And so, I give you this ring, to remind you every day of my promise
that in all conditions, under every circumstance,
I am always on your team, as long as I live.
Finding you is the best thing that I have ever done,
until this very moment,
when becoming your husband will take that honour.

And when she could speak, the bride said back:

You are MY best beloved and MY best friend, too. Jinx!
With this ring, I give you my promise
to be by your side and ON your side from here on out.
I promise to honour you, and to BE honourable,
to listen as you trust me with your thoughts, your fears, and your dreams;
To see you as the extraordinary person that you are,
even when you don’t believe it.
And to love you deeply and honestly.
You heart moves mine,
your mind challenges and inspires me,
your humour delights me,
and your hands are the ones I wish to hold mine,
until the end of my days.
I gladly make these promises to you,
and I am proud to become your wife.

Sweet, no? Maybe it’s just that so often, by the time I hear the couple actually saying the words to each other, we’ve been over and over them, tweaking and fine tuning – this was the first time in a while that I got to hear a set fresh out of the box.

I’m kind of surprised that there’s been so much to blog about this season’s weddings, when it’s still only the middle of November. Even after all this time, there’s still so much more to learn, discover, and experience – I love it!

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, Gossip from the Corner Store Tagged: oddities, real weddings, tangents;, vows

The Naughty Corner: Bad Behaviour at Weddings

weddingwhisperer — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 01:48:42 +0000

Phew! It’s been a ‘fun’ couple of weeks!
I often joke that there’s not much I haven’t seen when it comes to weddings; this month, I’ve added a few new things to my list.

Here is summer 2011′s list of things you shouldn’t have to tell a wedding guest:

Dear Wedding Guests,
The bride’s attire should be the most eye-catching outfit in the room. It’s currently trendy to wear a surprising hat. Okay. I’m not so sure that a surprising dress is a good choice, though.
I’m all for sassy fashion and expressing your personality through what you wear, but I have seen oh, so many outfits that make me wonder what the wearer was thinking when they chose their clothing. For starters, it should go without saying that it’s never a good idea to wear a long white dress to a wedding, if you’re not actually the bride.
Please take the venue into consideration. Clothing that’s suitable for a beach wedding is probably not appropriate for a church wedding. And vice versa.
Your attire doesn’t have to be new, but it should definitely be clean. The same goes for your shoes, and your hair and nails – it looks disrespectful when you don’t take the time to scrub up for an event that will have been months in the planning.
As a general guideline, if you can’t sit down and relax in what you’ve chosen to wear, it’s perhaps a little short or tight to wear to a wedding. It’s silly to set yourself up to be made miserable and distracted by an uncomfortable or unsuitable clothing choice.

Dear Wedding Guests,
While it’s true that no-one can be excluded from attending a wedding ceremony, priority should always be given to invited guests. If for some reason you decide to attend a ceremony to which you were not invited, in a venue where seating is limited,you should wait until all the invited guests are seated before you seat yourself.
The reception / wedding breakfast is for invited guests only. It will have been catered and set for the number of guests who have RSVPed. If you were not invited, or if you were invited, but did not RSVP, then, too bad. There’s bound to be a McDonald’s still open somewhere nearby.

While I’m on the topic: Just because there will be plenty of ‘free’ food and booze isn’t a reason to consume as much as you possibly can. By all means, eat, drink, make merry, but don’t be ‘that guest’.
No-one wants to step over, uh, pre-warmed leftovers on the way back to their cars at the end of the evening.

Dear Wedding Guests,
Just because someone sends you an invitation, you don’t have to attend. If you don’t approve of the wedding, or have some feud with the couple’s family, or you just generally don’t have a nice thing to say about anyone or anything, please feel free to stay at home. That’s what the RSVP card is for – you can choose not to attend. I’ve seen far too many ‘side eye’ looks flitting among guests. I’ve heard far too many snide comments about the quality of the wine, the tackiness of the decor, or the dismal outlook predicted for the couple.
Come on, people, it’s a celebration.
Please stay away if you can’t at least convincingly fake being happy for the newlyweds.

Dear Wedding Guests,
Don’t forget to put some manners in your pocket with your hanky. It costs nothing to be polite, and only a little effort to be friendly to people you have not met before. Some of those people are now related to you by marriage. A little good behaviour and courtesy will stand you in good stead for the many family gatherings to come.

The same goes for your interactions with wait staff, and others who are working the wedding. There’s seldom any reason to yell at or physically handle any person who is being paid to [among other things] make your day go well. You will expect them to be polite to you, why not return the courtesy? A shift of tone will change a demand into a request, the addition of a please, or thankyou will cost you nothing, but might get you even better service.

And finally [ I hope!] Dear Wedding Guests,
It was the cutest wedding, wasn’t it? And didn’t you get some great candid photos? Yay you! But before you go posting any of those photos onto Facebook or G+, you should check that the bride and groom won’t mind – everyone THEY wanted to share their day with was invited to the wedding, so they may quite rightly wish to keep the images from the day private to that group of people.
In addition, the couple will almost certainly have paid a chunk of cash to have their wedding professionally photographed. Would they really want lo-res snapshots to be the first images shown to the rest of the world?
We’ve all seen bad-taste/wedding disaster photos that have gone viral.
It’s not what a friend would do. Well, not what a GOOD friend would do….

Long story short: You’ve been invited to the wedding because the bride and groom, and their families, value the relationship they share with you. You’re someone special to them, and they want to share their celebrations with you.
So go on, celebrate with them. Have fun, and please, be a good guest!

Filed under: A conversation with..., Aisle Walking 101, Gossip from the Corner Store Tagged: behind the scenes, damage control, how to's, oddities, real weddings, tangents;

Unaccustomed As I Am To Public Speaking…

weddingwhisperer — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 01:20:27 +0000

While I’m picking apart traditions, shall we take a peek at the etiquette around wedding speeches? The speeches are an excellent way of thanking the various participants who have contributed towards making the wedding day a success, so I don’t recommend discarding the tradition of speech-making completely.
A carefully crafted and well presented speech is a thing of uncommon beauty. Unfortunately, wedding speeches are often neither crafted, nor well presented. All too often, they are dull, long-winded or alcohol fueled. The worst are all three, at once, but they don’t even need to be. The good thing about making a wedding speech is that the audience is on your side. Your guests want to enjoy your speeches, and they will if you let them!

Be clear in your expectations. Let your proposed speakers know whether you’re asking them to make a toast, specific thank-you, or a full-out speech.Encourage them not to trust their speech to memory – cue cards or notes are a good way to keep a speaker on track. If you ask, they may be willing to let you have a sneak preview of the speech, or even rehearse it in front of you.

Don’t insist on following the traditional rules for speeches, especially if you have a potential speech-maker who hates public speaking, or is painfully shy. You can leave their speech out completely, or have it made by someone else. For example, if the Father of the Bride can’t or won’t make a speech, perhaps the Mother of the Bride could speak in his place.

Don’t leave the speeches too late in the event. This is especially important if you’ve already had a long gap between the ceremony and the reception, with not much else to do but drink. Although a tipsy crowd might not care so much about the quality of the speeches, a speech-maker whose inhibitions are lowered by alcohol will usually make an extremely cringe-worthy speech, often at the expense of the bride and groom, and to their great embarrassment.
Having said that, don’t start the speeches too soon, either. Get some food in to soak up the afternoon’s champagne toasts. Guests who are impatiently waiting for dinner to be served will not be a good audience. Between the main and dessert courses is often a good time for speeches to be presented.

Make sure the speeches can be heard! Ask your venue, or the band/DJ if they can make a mic available for the speeches

The traditional order of speeches is as follows. I’ve colour highlighted the speeches/toasts I think are most important, tradition or no.

The bride’s father [or in his absence, a close relative/family friend] proposes the first toast, to the bride and groom. [Traditionally: 'health and happiness to the new Mr and Mrs'] If he makes a speech, he should address the groom’s parents, relatives of both families any other guests and welcome the groom to his family and say a few words about his daughter. Assuming that the relationship is close and loving, this can be quite moving.

The groom responds on behalf of his wife and himself, thanking all those involved in the organising of the wedding. The groom’s speech is the first official opportunity to use the phrase ‘My wife and I’. It’s important to put some careful planning into any individual thank-you to be included in this speech – while it’s nice to list specific people, you want to be sure not to leave anyone out. As well as thanking all the behind the scenes helpers, this speech should officially thank the groomsmen for their support, and thank the bride’s parents for, well, pretty much everything. A small courtesy, but one that will be noted and treasured is to also offer thanks to the mother of the groom.

Finishing with a catch-all thank you to ‘every person who has helped make this day such a success” is a wise precaution.
Traditionally, at this point, the groom will thank the bridemaids for their support and propose a toast to the bridesmaids.
After the groom has finished, the bride may also wish to speak at this point.

I’m not sure why, but tradition dictates that the best man responds on behalf of the bridesmaids. Obviously, whichever of your bridal party is the most capable public speaker would be the best choice. The best man’s speech usually focuses on the groom, and his speech should be light-hearted and fun. The best man then announces any messages, [traditionally telegrams, these days most likely to be e-mails] from absent guests, and makes a toast ‘to absent friends’.

You don’t have to have any speeches or toasts, but I hope you won’t miss the opportunity to speak out your gratitude, respect, and love for your family and friends!

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, The Wedding Whisperer's "How To..." File Tagged: how to's, reception, speeches, traditions

Invitation Wording 101 – Non-Traditional Invitations

weddingwhisperer — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 10:06:15 +0000

So now you know. It makes no sense to send out invitaitons which do not reflect your relationship, or the event that you’re planning.

Rules of thumb: If they’re going to be mailed, there are some physical constraints that must be taken into consideration. Well, yes, you could mail an engraved stone, but it’s going to cost significantly more, for starters.

When it comes to the wording of a non-traditional wedding invitaiton, many of the old rules still apply. You still need to let your guests know where, when, how, and who, along with RSVP info, dress code and so on.

Non-tratitional invites more commonly come from the couple themselves, rather than their parents, and dropping that formality of language gives a lot more freedom, right from the very start.That doesnt mean you CAN’T still include your parents’ names on the invite, if you want to, though.

In cases where couples may have parents who are divorced, remarried, or any combination of family structure, , one solution I often suggest is a simply

Together with our families, we invite you to join us as we celebrate our wedding…

Unless you’re paying by the word, there’s no reason why you can’t include all of the names of the various parts of your family of origin, if you wish.

Tradition dictates that the bride’s details go first – but for same-sex couples, that formula won’t work. Tradition hasn’t evolved a formula for that yet – I think you’re safe using whichever combination of names feels more natural, or if that doesn’t solve it, list them in alphabetical order.

And then…

Why settle for ‘cordially requests’ and ‘respectfully invites’ -there’s no reason why you shouldn’t just go ahead and say what you mean! Here’s a couple of my non-traditional favourites:

You are totally invited to our wedding

at six in the evening of Saturday, the twenty-seventh of September

ceremony followed by dinner, drinks, and awkward but enthusiastic dancing

please dress creatively and comfortably, high heels and uncomfortable formal wear are not recommended.

Or for a casual event:

no church, no aisle, no chairs…
just two crazy-in-love people in a field
vowing to each other a lifetime
of dirty jokes and random misadventures
please join us as we commit ourselves!
SOMETIME/SOMEDAY/SOMEPLACE

If you’re not ready to totally throw off tradition, [and fair enough, those traditions have been seeing people right for generations] you can pair your formal, traditional invitation with more naturally worded enclosures, and rsvp cards:

[on a separate card:]

About Gifts:
We recognize that especially for those of you coming from far away, simply attending our wedding will already mean spending money on travel and accommodation. The very best present we can receive is your presence at our wedding and your love and support as we embark on this adventure together. Many of you are contributing your time and energy to this event, and for the gift of your participation we thank you. To make it easier for the more traditional gift givers among you, we have a wish list, please ask! Homemade, handmade, and second-hand gifts are welcomed and appreciated.

[enclosure card:]

Need more info?

Are you wondering…
where to stay?
what to do in town?
whats on the menu?
where the wedding is?
who are these people?

Please visit
wedding website

[rsvp card:]

we will be attending your awesome wedding
[ ] True
[ ] False

{___} guests will be attending

or, more subtly subversive…

Please choose one:
__ accept with pleasure
__ decline with regret
__ accept with regret
__ decline with pleasure

I’m always happy to toss around ideas, so don’t hesitate to bring your scribbled scraps of paper and we can work together on creating an invitation that works for your guests and for you!

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, The Wedding Whisperer's "How To..." File

Invitation Wording 101- Traditional Invitations

weddingwhisperer — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 10:05:54 +0000

There are a lot of unspoken rules hidden in the wording of a wedding invitation. I’ve never been a believer in doing things purely for the sake of tradition, but I do think that before you go breaking the rules, it’s a good idea to at least know what they are. So here’s a beginner’s guide to the traditional, formal, letterpressed, foiled stamped, engraved invitation:

Starting from the top: If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a ’round robin’ Christmas letter, where everyone is spoken of in the third person, and you’re never quite sure which member of the family actually wrote it, you’ll have an inkling of why it matters to identify “the hosts” – who the invitation is officially from, and to whom they should RSVP, or direct any queries about the event. For a younger couple, whose parents are contributing significantly to the cost of the wedding, it’s most likely to be

Parents of the Bride and Parents of the Groom cordially invite….

If the couple have been together as a family unit for some time, and/or if they are responsible for most of the planning and financing of the wedding, it’s entirely appropriate for the invitation to begin something along the lines of:

Bride and Groom, together with their families, cordially invite…

or even just to begin with their names. In tradition-speak, using a phrase such as:

The honour of your presence is requested….

indicates a church or very formal wedding, a more casual event, or a wedding being held in a venue other than a church would read,

You are cordially invited….

Does it really matter? Probably not. But at least if you know how it’s supposed to go, you have can make an informed decision about your wording.

Be clear about who is included in the invitation. If at all possible, list all invited guests by name – so that it’s clear whether they’re welcome to also bring their kids, partner, dog… whomever. For the singles among your friends and family, if you possibly can, invite them “and guest”. Again, technically and traditionally, if the name is not on the invitation, the implication is that they are not invited. If you’re making a blanket exclusion, such as no children under a certain age to be present at the ceremony, for example, you should also state that in the body of the invitation.

Be sure to include the day, date and time, as well as the physical address of the ceremony and reception. Although your local friends and family will need less info, you’re probably not going to print different invitations for your out of town guests, so make sure you give enough information about the location of the ceremony and reception venues.

It’s perhaps worth clarifying the time for guests to arrive, and the time you expect the ceremony to start, which are two quite separate things!

The style of your invitation, and the formality of the wording, should give some clues about the ceremony style to your guests, but it’s also a good idea to let them know if there is a dress code, even if the code is casual. For example, f you’re planning to be barefoot on the beach, you should let your guests know they have that option in your invitation: beach casual or beach formal?

If you have a preference, for whatever reason, please let your guests know! One of the most stunning events I’ve seen was an evening wedding where all the guests were directed to wear black or white. The bride wore red, the groom wore a red vest and tie, and the effect was stunning!

If you’d like your guests to wear jeans, or fancy hats, or mediaeval costume, you’ll need to say so, because unless specified, your guests will turn up in semi-formal attire.

RSVPs are tending to be more by email than by post, but I think it’s nice to keep the option of snail mail. We tend towards a postcard style insert in the invitation, so a guest simple adds their details and mails or hand delivers it back.- Email RSVP is convenient, but misses a layer of ritual that goes beyond a simple acknowledgement that one will turn up.

Be careful with the details you include on your RSVP cards, though – don’t turn them into an advertisement that a specific address will be unattended at this date and time!

Miss Manners believes that no mention of gifts or gift registries should be made in an invitation, on the theory that a gift is not expected, so even saying that you don’t want your guests to bring gifts is implying that they otherwise should. Traditional etiquette is that the guest should enquire of the host, when RSVPing. I’d love to see a shift away from bringing gifts to the wedding venue – it can be a hassle for the couple to safely get the gifts back home. Far better to deliver your gift to the couple in person, or perhaps to send something around the time of the RSVP, in my opinion. But the gift table is a tradition that’s not going to go away any time soon, I suspect, so don’t mind me.

The invite should also specify details such as, if you plan to have a cash bar, and perhaps contain an insert for out-of-town guests to know accommodation and transport options etc.

Even if you’re using a professional print service, check, check and double-check all spelling, grammar, and details before you go to print!

Obligatory shameless self promotion: The Wedding Whisperer partners with a great little local print company, offering custom designed invites, often cheaper than you could do them yourself! Please do pop in and browse through the giant book of samples, or if you’ve seen something online, send us the link, and we’ll let you know if we can do it for you!

Now… having learned and understood all the rules, the next post is all about how to break them…

Filed under: Aisle Walking 101, The Wedding Whisperer's "How To..." File